I'm B-a-a-a-a-c-k!

In addition to being back from vacation, I'm also starting a new temporary assignment at work and have about 300 e-mails to wade through, so I'll keep this short for now.

Vacation highlights:
- Snorkeling!
- Horseback riding on the beach (my first horseback ride EVER)
- Riding in the golf cart on Harbour Island
- Flying in the 15-seat plane to get to Eleuthera
- Getting on a random, unmarked, unnamed boat in the dark to get back to Eleuthera from Harbour Island
- Snorkeling at Gaulding Cay
- Doing yoga on the deck
- Getting a tan for the first time in who knows how many years

Life is Weird

I have this friend. We used to be very close but, as sometimes happens, we had sort of drifted apart.

We first became friends in high school. We had a lot of traits in common, one of which was our competitiveness, which put a weird spin on our friendship. I always felt like we were keeping score--who was better at what? (She was good at anything sports-related, I wasn't. We were both A-students, but I did better on standardized tests. Etc., etc.)

Over the years, we've made dramatically different life choices. She's a suburban mom with a big house and several pets. I'm the city girl with no kids and no pets. She hates New York City. I love it. You get the idea.

For years, I've felt like there was still this undercurrent of competition. It's hard to explain, but it seemed like whenever we would talk, she would always make some sort of comment that would hit a nerve. And it would drive me crazy. From my perspective, we didn't need to be competing anymore--we had made such different life choices that I felt like we should just be able to support each other. There were several times, after one of these conversations, when I told myself I was really going to make the effort to go see her (she lives in another state) and hash things out face-to-face once and for all. But I somehow never got around to it.

So, last night, I called her. And finally told her how I felt. And, you know what? She was completely stunned. She had no idea that I felt that way. She agreed with me that we weren't in a competition anymore. The honesty of her reaction made me realize that this whole thing has been my baggage, not hers. I was the one allowing offhand remarks to trigger insecurities I had been apparently and unknowingly harboring since high school. Which I think I can now finally let go of. And work on rebuilding our friendship.

PSA: Sense of Wonder Contest

News for Release: Tuesday, March 18, 2008

U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA)

Second Annual Rachel Carson Sense of Wonder
Intergenerational Poetry, Essay and Photography Contest

Contact: Shakeba Carter-Jenkins, (202) 564-4355 / carter-jenkins.shakeba@epa.gov

(Washington, D.C. - March 18, 2008) The U.S. EPA Aging Initiative, in partnership with Generations United and the Rachel Carson Council Inc., are inviting submissions for its Second Annual Rachel Carson Sense of Wonder Intergenerational Poetry, Essay and Photography Contest.

Carson is considered to be the founder of the contemporary environmental movement through her landmark book, Silent Spring. Its publication is credited with reversing the nation's pesticide policy.

Using the title of another of Carson's books, "The Sense of Wonder," the contest is seeking submissions from intergenerational teams "that best express the "Sense of Wonder" that you feel when observing the sea, the night sky, forests, birds, wildlife, and all that is beautiful to your eyes."

"Through this contest, we are inspiring the youngest and oldest among us to appreciate wonders and beauty of the natural world," said EPA Administrator Stephen L. Johnson.

"We experience a sense of wonder at every point in our lives, whether as children or older adults. The contest's intergenerational message exemplifies a long history of environmental work bridging the generations which goes back to the first Earth Day," said Donna Butts, executive director of Generations United. "We are delighted to again co-sponsor this important contest."

The contest's intergenerational approach reflects Carson's desire to have adults share with children a sense of wonder about nature and help them discover its joys. Entries must be intergenerational involving a team of persons related or unrelated and describe the intergenerational project and how this project brought the team in touch with the natural world.

The deadline for entries is Monday, June 16, 2008. A panel of expert judges will select finalists. The winners in each category will then be determined by the public, who will have an opportunity to vote on-line in July and August for their favorite submission in each category: photography, essay, and poetry. Winners will be announced on the EPA Aging Initiative Web site in October during Children's Health month.

Carson wrote that she would endow every child with "a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life." However, "if a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement, and mystery of the world we live in."

The contest seeks to spur and instill that same sense of wonder among all generations.

For more information, see: http://www.epa.gov/aging/resources/thesenseofwonder/index.htm

Cult Update

First of all, I just realized I never posted last week's update, which was that I had lost 1lb or, in Scrabble terms, this:



This week, I lost nothing, which in Scrabble terms, is this:

(A movie reviewer--in one of my all-time favorites reviews--once called Keanu Reeves "the human equivalent of the blank Scrabble tile.")

Why I Haven't Had Time to Blog

Ok, so once again, I've been a slacker.

But I have a (sort of) good excuse, at least for the past couple of days.

First of all, I was hard at work revising and finalizing my short play script to submit it for this year's Estrogenius Festival (it was due on Saturday).

Second, I was packing for our upcoming trip to Eleuthera! (We leave Friday.)

Third, I'm working on a ridiculously involved job application for a "two-year temporary promotion" (only in government would such a thing exist).

Finally, as if all the above weren't enough, I actually auditioned for a play this weekend. A friend's production company is doing "Twelve Angry Women" in May and an actress I know and respect told me I should audition. So I did. I didn't get a call back, but I saw the director yesterday and she told me that 138 women auditioned for them, so I really don't feel too badly about it. I'm actually pretty proud of myself for at least giving it a shot.

And here's the best part: the audition consisted of a one-minute monologue. Since the monologues I "know" are all for characters about 20 years younger than I am (since that's when I learned them), I actually decided to do a monologue based on my blog entry "Loss by Attrition." I've been thinking about incorporating that into a longer theatrical piece and this was the perfect opportunity to test-drive it. And both the director and the producer loved it. How cool is that?

Dusting

My aunt sent me this via e-mail. I checked it out on Snopes.com (http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/dustoff.asp)
and, sadly, it's true.

D U S T I N G

First, I'm going to tell you a little about me and my family. My name is Jeff. I am a Police Officer for a city which is known nationwide for its crime rate. We have a lot of gangs and drugs. At one point we were #2 in the nation in homicides per capita. I also have a police K-9 named Thor. He was certified in drugs and general duty. He retired at 3 years old because he was shot in the line of duty. He lives with us now and I still train with him because he likes it. I always liked the fact that there was no way to bring drugs into my house. Thor wouldn't allow it. He would tell on you. The reason I say this is so you understand that I know about drugs.

I have taught in schools about drugs. My wife asks all our kids at least once a week if they used any drugs. Makes them promise they won't. I like building computers occasionally and started building a new one in February 2005. I also was working on some of my older computers. They were full of dust so on one of my trips to the computer store I bought a 3 pack of DUST OFF. Dust Off is a can of compressed air to blow dust off a computer. A few weeks later when I went to use one of them they were all used. I talked to my kids and my two sons both said they had used them on their computer and messing around with them. I yelled at them for wasting the 10 dollars I paid for them.

On February 28 I went back to the computer store . They didn't have the 3 pack which! h I had bought on sale so I bought a single jumbo can of Dust Off. I went home and set it down beside my computer. On March 1st, I left for work at 10 PM. Just before midnight my wife went down and kissed Kyle goodnight. At 5:30 am the next morning Kathy went downstairs to wake Kyle up for school, before she left for work. He was propped up in bed with his legs crossed and his head leaning over. She called to him a few times to get up. He didn't move. He would sometimes tease her like this and pretend he fell back asleep. He was never easy to get up. She went in and shook his arm. He fell over. He was pale white and had the straw from the Dust Off can coming out of his mouth. He had the new can of Dust Off in his hands. Kyle was dead.

I am a police officer and I had never heard of this. My wife is a nurse and she had never heard of this. We later found out from the coroner, after the autopsy, that only the propellant from the can of Dust off was in his system. No other drugs. Kyle had died between midnight and 1 AM. I found out that using Dust Off is being done mostly by kids ages 9 through 15. They even have a name for it. It's called dusting. A take off from the Dust Off name. It gives them a slight high for about 10 seconds. It makes them dizzy. A boy who lives down the street from us showed Kyle how to do this about a month before. Kyle showed his best friend. Told him it was cool and it couldn't hurt you. It's just compressed air. It can't hurt you.
His best friend said no.

Kyle was wrong. It's not just compressed air. It also contains a propellant called R2. It's a refrigerant like what is used in your refrigerator. It is a heavy gas, heavier than air When you inhale it, it fills your lungs and keeps the good air, with oxygen, out that's why you feel dizzy, buzzed. It decreases the oxygen to your brain, to your heart. Kyle was right. It can't hurt you . IT KILLS YOU!

The horrible part about this is there is no warning. There is no level that kills you. It's not cumulative or an overdose; it can just go randomly, terribly wrong. Roll the dice and if your number comes up you die. IT'S NOT AN OVERDOSE. It's Russian Roulette. You don't die later. Or not feel good and say I've had too much. You usually die as you're breathing it in, if not you die within 2 seconds of finishing 'the hit.' That's why the straw was still in Kyle's mouth when he died. Why his eyes were still open.

The experts want to call this huffing. The kids don't believe its huffing. As adults we tend to lump many things together. But it doesn't fit here. And that's why it's more accepted. There is no chemical reaction, no strong odor. It doesn't follow the huffing signals. Kyle complained a few days before he died of his tongue hurting. It probably did. The propellant causes frostbite. If I had only known It's easy to say hey, it's my life and I'll do what I want. But it isn't. Others are always affected. This has forever changed our family's life. I have a hole in my heart and soul that can never be fixed. The pain is so immense I can't describe it. There's nowhere to run from it. I cry all the time and I don't ever cry. I do what I'm supposed to do but I don't really care. My kids are messed up. One won't talk about it. The other will only sleep in our room at night. And my wife, I can't even describe how bad she is taking this. I thought we were safe because of Thor. I thought we were safe because we knew about drugs and talked to our kids about them.

After Kyle died another story came out. A probation Officer went to the school system next to ours to speak with a student. While there he found a student using Dust Off in the bathroom. This student told him about another student who also had some in his locker. This is a rather affluent school system. They will tell you they do n't have a drug problem there. They don't even have a dare or plus program there. So rather than tell everyone about this 'new' way of getting high they found, they hid it.

The probation officer told the media after Kyle's death and they, the school, then admitted to it. I know that if they would have told the media and I had heard, it wouldn't have been in my house. We need to get this out of our homes and school computer labs. Using Dust Off isn't new and some 'professionals' do know about. It just isn't talked about much, except by the kids. They all seem to know about it.

April 2nd was 1 month since Kyle died. April 5th would have been his 15th birthday. And every weekday I catch myself sitting on the living room couch at 2:30 in the afternoon and waiting to see him get off the bus. I know Kyle is in heaven but I can't help but wonder if I died and went to Hell.

You Know What Would Be Refreshing?

If the next time one of these assholes who gets caught with his pants down does his obligatory, lame, public apology, his wife was NOT standing by his side.

In fact, I'd really love it if said wife would issue her own, separate public statement that said something like: "I regret that I will not be able to be at today's press conference, as I'd love to have the opportunity to tell you how I feel about the events that have recently come to light. However, considering the act of betrayal that has just been uncovered, my first priority is moving myself and my daughters out of the Governor's Mansion and meeting with a divorce lawyer."

What is wrong with these women?

Seriously, even if the marriage can be "saved," wouldn't it be perfectly understandable if the wife chose not to stand next to her husband while he admitted to being an asshole?

Good News on the Health Front

I had my six-month check-up with the breast surgeon today and everything seems to be ok. I still need to do an ultrasound and maybe an MRI, just 'cause I'm due for them, but she didn't feel anything and so my next appointment is in 6 months.

To celebrate, I bought myself dark chocolate and hazelnut cookies, an iced tea and flowers.

Yay!

In other good news, I'm done with physical therapy for my wrist. I still have some work to do on my own, but things are progressing nicely.

YayYay!

Idiot!

Well, in case you haven't heard, Eliot Spitzer has been linked to a prostitution ring.

Rumors are flying that he's resigned, although I haven't been able to find any confirmation yet.

I have to say, I'm truly disappointed. I've followed his career for years and always had great respect for him. So much for that.

Earth Hour

Ok, so when I first saw this I thought, this is the same thing as those "boycott the gas stations for a day" things, which really don't accomplish much because you eventually need to buy that gas. You're just doing it on Thursday instead of Wednesday.

But this idea--of turning off the lights for one hour--actually does save electricity. You can't go back to that hour later or use twice as much electricity to power your lights the next day.

Where Have I Been?

Wow. Blog silence.

Sorry about that. I was:
- away
- at a funeral
- at a conference
and so have not had much computer access. (I also missed my WW weigh-in, which was just as well as this weekend I kind of took a belly flop off the wagon.)

I'm back in the office this afternoon, but digging myself out from under the inevitable e-mail deluge, so probably won't get back to real posting until next week.

In a quick health/fitness update: I had a pilates session on Tuesday night and did much better than expected, considering that it's been a year since I've done pilates. Yay!