Awhile back I read this essay on the web. I can't remember what site it was on or who the author was (if anyone knows, please let me know, I'd love to give credit where credit is due), but the main idea was this: in our everyday dealings with people, we either treat them as "whos" or as "its." "Whos" are the people we treat like people--our family, friends, co-workers, etc. "Its" are the people we treat as, well, basically, as machines. People who are there to provide us with a service. The biggest "its" that come to my mind are service people behind counters (and sometimes glass): bank tellers, postal workers, movie ticket sellers, etc.
The author's point, of course, is that we're all people and so we should strive to treat everyone like a "who."
What does that mean?
To me, it means, at a minimum, taking those extra seconds (and, yes, it really is just seconds) to look them in the eye, smile and say hello before engaging in whatever transaction we're there to conduct. Basically, it means taking the time to consciously acknowledge them as a fellow human being.
As I was thinking about this post, I was suddenly reminded of the French. In France, the cultural etiquette is that you must greet someone with a "Bonjour" or a "Bonsoir" before transacting business. If you don't, at best, you'll be gently reprimanded. At worst, you'll be not so gently reprimanded. I think Americans generally chalk this up to the famous French rudeness, but what dawned on me today is that they've decided--as a society--that no one should be treated like an "it." And that's pretty cool.
The other revelation I had is that those jobs most prone to the "it" treatment (bank tellers, postal workers, movie ticket sellers), i.e., where we tend to treat people like machines, are exactly those jobs we've begun to replace with machines.
Food for thought.
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The Sagacious Empathy
2 weeks ago
6 comments:
This made me think of an essay from NPR's "This I Believe" project titled Be Cool to the Pizza Delivery Dude. It's a quick read. One of my favorite lines is this:
My measurement as a human being, my worth, is the pride I take in performing my job -- any job -- and the respect with which I treat others.
Cool article. Thanks Andrew!
Perhaps this is more common to those of us who were raised in the northeast. As you know, Karel, never has a transaction without a conversation and oftentimes something much more - a connection.
Also wanted to say that when I first went to France on business trips I never said bonjour. Just started with "do you speak English" or "I have a reservation". My perception of the French was that they were cold and unfriendly - bordeing on rude.
One trip I was flying in from Zurich and sitting next to an American living in Paris and he explained the same thing to me as your post.
Of course, he was right. Everyone I met in Paris was much friendlier once I fumbled out my "bonjour" or "bonsoir".
My last trip to Paris I went with a goddess and the Parisians were amazingly nice to us. I guess it wasn't them after all.
I gave this post a lot of thought. It also made me conscientious of how I approach people. My rapport was probably not that great. It must be a North East thing, I have to agree with uJB, because everywhere else a greeting is almost a must.
Had a comment from a civil servant here in NOLA the other day "Oh, you can't be from NY! You're not trying to rush me through this, you'll visit a bit..." ;-) Guess that's one reason why everyone assumes I'm from down here, land of Friendly Yet Dysfunctional People?
I don't always greet people (and the whole "how are you" when they really don't care drives me batty), but I ALWAYS make eye contact and try to make some kind of human comment to cashiers, etc - I Mean c'mon, hasn't everyone worked retail at SOME point in their lives? Pass along the smile, they could use it.
Thanks for the post, this is a cool point to make.
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