Heartbroken

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I didn't want to join a support group because, let's face it, in a disease-driven support group, not everyone is going to have a good outcome (or, in blunter terms, survive).

But, somehow, I found the Young Survival Coalition bulletin boards and joined an amazing online community of women going through what I was going through.

I've written about it before in this space. It's an amazing place. It's also a horrible place, because on a site with thousands of members, you're bound to come across those who don't "have the good outcome."

Today I learned that a dear "virtual" friend of mine died on Sunday.

When I first joined the YSC boards, there was a small group of women who became my de facto mentors, essentially by virtue of the fact that they were done with their treatment and I hadn't yet started mine. They were the ones out there as living testaments: this is doable, you WILL make it through this, and you will come out on the other side strong and beautiful. Lola was one of these women. She was tough, she was fiery, she liked to stir things up on the boards--she did not placate. She was straight-talking, funny, flawed, smart, sassy. Her nickname was "the Tartan Terror."

I never met Lola in person, primarily because she lived in Scotland, but I've read (and probably responded to) hundreds of her posts and we had exchanged a few emails over the last year.

In November, when Lola was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, I was one of hundreds of YSCers who sent money to Scotland so that her darling daughter could have a great Christmas.

Now, contrary to popular belief, metastatic BC (aka "mets," aka Stage IV) is not an immediate death sentence. There are lots of women on the boards who've had it for years, some who've had "no evidence of disease" (aka, been "NED") for years. So for Lola to go so quickly is just an unfathomable shock.

I am so sad for her, her family and all the other YSC sisters we've lost this year: MamaCath, Shabana, Jayme, Jessica...

I generally try not to write about the sad YSC stuff in this space because I don't want to depress you, my Dear Reader, by writing about the deaths of people you don't know. But I also assume you read this blog because you're interested in how I'm doing and so you should know that, today, the answer is, "heartbroken."