My Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there was a Boy. He was a very normal Boy—at least by Earth’s standards. He liked to tease his little sister, play with blocks and do other Normal Boy Stuff.

Then, one day, the aliens came and replaced the Normal Boy with an AlienBoy.

The AlienBoy looked exactly like the Normal Boy, but if you paid attention, you would notice some differences. For example, the AlienBoy didn’t hold his mug the way a Normal Boy would. He’d stick his thumb through the little handle and wrap his fingers over the top of the handle (rather than, like a Normal Boy, sticking his index and middle finger in the handle and wrapping his thumb around). He also held his fork really weird.

But, for the most part, he acted a lot like the Normal Boy and so no one really noticed that there had been a change, not even his parents.

Like a regular Earthling, he grew up and, like some Earthlings, got married. It was when he met his future Wife that some of the other Signs began to reveal themselves. For instance, he didn’t possess some of the regular knowledge common in the part of the world in which he lived, such as that Babe Ruth had played for the Yankees. And he was very climatically unsuited to Earth, often insisting it was unbearably hot even on days when a lovely breeze was blowing.

He also had a terrible, terrible memory (probably because his mind was full of remembering how to—mostly—act like he was from Earth) and almost no short-term memory at all. This is an actual conversation between the Boy (well, at this point in the story I suppose we shall have to call him a Man) and his Wife:

AlienMan: Who said they thought Monty Python was a person?
Wife: Clay Aiken.
AlienMan: And who was talking about this?
Wife: I was.
AlienMan: And who were you talking about it with?
Wife: Our Friend.
AlienMan: And who said they thought Monty Python was a person?
Wife: You’re kidding, right?

From all these Signs, one may have thought that the marriage would be doomed but, fortunately, the Wife realized there were benefits to being married to AlienMan. First of all, he didn’t like Sports. Any Sports. At all. Since a Normal Man in the part of the world where the Alien Man lived spent approximately (conservatively) 8 years of his life watching Sports on television, the fact that Alien Man was not interested in sports meant the couple had plenty of time for other activities, such as Shopping.

The AlienMan was not hung up on lots other Normal Man things, like hiding his emotions, and so the Wife always knew she was loved and cherished. The AlienMan was also not afraid of looking silly, which led them to have many, many Fun Times.

One day, the AlienMan turned 40. On Earth, this was considered a Milestone and so his Wife (with lots of help), to mark the occasion, threw a big Surprise Party with 40 guests.

The guests were a very mixed group, with some who had known AlienMan since he was a Boy and others who had met him more recently. Many thought he was Strange, but none actually knew he was an Alien.

And his Wife never told anyone and so they lived Happily Ever After.